how you can go from asking me to hang out
texting me as soon as you know I’m home
and calling me that night at midnight to talk for hours…
to no contact in days.
You said you didn’t want to lose contact
like you always do with friends
because we have more in common than you have ever had with any girl.
I should be used to this by now;
losing contact with people.
It always happens with the people I love the most.
But it still makes me sick.
I had an interesting night. It was good, though.
First, to you:
I really do care. I’ve been trying, whether it seems like it or not. I get my feelings hurt and feel like I can’t, or shouldn’t, make the effort. I’d like to be close again. I am making an effort. I never wanted to lose touch like we have. I realize it is just as much my fault as it is yours. Friendship is a mutual thing. I know how your mind operates and I feel like I’ve betrayed you. I truly am sorry.
Second, to you:
I’m really glad you feel the same way I do. But it’s your decision to make. I like where we are now, but I don’t think I will for long. It’s not quite enough. Luckily, it won’t be an issue in a few months. I just hope you’ll still be around then. But I feel like I can’t expect that.
That’s asking a lot.
Maybe too much.
But I hope not.
It really irritates me that those two things can ruin my entire day.
I’ve heard that song everyday for the last week. It’s following me. But that’s okay. It has good memories.
God, that felt nice.
I’m on a bus with some of my favorite people on my way to one of my favorite places: New York. I’ve been waiting to go to New York since I was a kid. I’m so happy it’s finally happening. I’m going to see Phantom of the Opera on broadway, which makes me happier than anything ever has. I’m going to spend a week away from work hell, school hell, and home hell. This week is going to be amazing. I’m so happy.
I have the next phase of my life figured out.
It’s nice to have something planned.
I feel secure.